The Sensuous Wife


Upon arriving home from work our hero was greeted by his wife, dressed in a low cut and very sexy dress.


"Have you ever seen a twenty dollar bill all crumpled up?" She asked.


"No," said her husband.


She gave him a sexy little smile, slowly reached into her cleavage and pulled out a crumpled twenty dollar bill.


"Have you ever seen a fifty all crumpled up?" she asked.


"Uh, nope."


She gave him another sexy little smile, seductively reached into her panties and pulled out a crumpled fifty dollar bill.


"Now," she said, "Have you ever seen 50,000 dollars all crumpled up?"


"No," he said, now really intrigued.







"Go look in the garage..."

The Hotel Bill

An older lady decided to give herself a big treat for her 70th
birthday by staying overnight in a really nice hotel.

When she checked out the next morning, the desk clerk handed her a
bill for $250.00.

She demanded to know why the charge was so high. "I agree it's a nice
hotel, but the rooms aren't worth $250.00 for just an overnight stay!
I didn't even have breakfast."

The clerk told her that $250.00 is the 'standard rate', and breakfast
had been included had she wanted it. She insisted on speaking to the
Manager.

The Manager appeared and, forewarned by the desk clerk, announced:
"This hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference centre
which are available for
use."

"But I didn't use them," she said.

''Well, they are here, and you could have," explained the Manager.

He went on to explain that she could also have seen one of the
in-hotel shows for which they were so famous. "We have the best
entertainers from the world over performing here," the Manager said.
"But I didn't go to any of those shows," she said.

"Well, we have them, and you could have," the Manager replied.

No matter what amenity the Manager mentioned, she replied, "But I
didn't use it!" and the Manager countered with his standard response.

After several minutes discussion, and with the Manager still unmoved,
she decided to pay, wrote a check and gave it to him.

The Manager was surprised when he looked at the check. "But madam,
this check is for $50.00."

"That's correct I charged you $200.00 for sleeping with me," she replied.

"But I didn't!" exclaimed the very surprised Manager.

"Well, too bad, I was here, and you could have."

Don't mess with Senior Citizens

A Kentucky family took a vacation to New York City. One day, the father took his son into a rather large building; they were amazed by everything they saw -- especially the elevator at one end of the lobby.

The boy asked, "What's this, Paw?" The father responded, "Son I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is!"

While the boy and his father were watching in wide-eyed astonishment, an old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights above the walls light up. They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction. The walls opened again, and a voluptuous 24-year-old woman stepped out.

The father turned to his son and said, "Go get your Maw."

One day these two girls were hired to clean this guy's house. While they were there the AC broke, so one of the girls said, "Hey, since no one is here and it’s so hot in here lets take off our clothes.” The other girl agreed. So they took their clothes off. Later that day they heard a knock at the door. One of the girls went to the door and asked who it was. "Blind man," the person answered. The girl said, "Hey, since he's blind he can't see us." So she let him in. As soon as the blind-man stepped in he said, "Nice tits where do you want these blinds."

A man who'd just died is delivered to a local mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit.

The female (blonde) mortician asks the widow how she would like the body dressed. She points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing.

The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She says, 'I don't care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.'

The widow returns the next day for the wake. To her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe. The suit fits him perfectly.

She says to the mortician, 'Whatever this cost, I'm very satisfied. You did an excellent job and I'm very grateful. How much do I owe you?'

'There's no charge,' the mortician says.

'No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit!' the widowsays.

'Honestly, ma'am,' the mortician says. 'It cost nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suitinstead. She said it made no difference as long as he looked nice. So I just switched the heads.'

Doc!” the man yells. I’ve lost my memory!”

“Calm down, sir. When did this happen.”

The man looked at him. “When did what happen?”

The Night Nurse

A very tired nurse walks into a bank, totally exhausted after an 18-hour
shift. Preparing to write a check, she pulls a rectal thermometer out of her
purse and tries to write with it. When she realizes her mistake, she looks
at the flabbergasted teller, and without missing a beat, she says:
'Well, that's great....that's just great . . . some asshole has my pen.