During the initial space flights, Nasa discovered that biro pens didn’t work under zero gravity conditions. To beat the problem, Nasa spent 6 years and $2 million in designing a pen for use in space. The pen would work under zero gravity conditions due to the pressurized ink inside, it would work under sub zero conditions, underwater, on glass and virtually any surface known to man. The Russians used a pencil.

The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so Gomer, who was not exactly the sharpest nail in the bucket, went in to try out for the job.

"Okay," the sheriff drawled, "Gomer, what is 1 and 1?"

"11" he replied.

The sheriff thought to himself, "That's not what I meant, but he's right. What two days of the week start with the letter 'T'?"

"Today and tomorrow."

The sheriff was again surprised that Gomer supplied a correct answer that he had never thought of himself.

"Now Gomer, listen carefully: Who killed Abraham Lincoln?"

Gomer looked a little surprised himself, then thought really hard for a minute and finally admitted, "I don't know."

"Well, why don't you go home and work on that one for a while?"

So, Gomer wandered over to the barbershop where his pals were waiting to hear the results of the interview. Gomer was exultant. "It went great! First day on the job and I'm already working on a murder case!"

Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "why is the bride dressed in white?" "Because white is the color of happiness," her mother explained. "And today is the happiest day in her life." The child thought about this for a moment. "So why is the groom wearing black?"

A guy and a girl met at a restaurant. They're getting along so well that they decide to go to the girl's place.

A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and washes his hands.

He then takes off his pants and washes his hands.

So the girl looks at him and says: "You must be a dentist!"

The guy all surprised says "Yes ... how did you figure that out?"

The girl replies: "Easy, you keep washing your hands".

One thing led to another and they make love. After they were done, the girl says: "You must be a GREAT dentist!"

The guy was very very surprised, he says: "Yes, I sure am a great dentist. How did you figure that out?"

The girl says: 'Easy ... I didn't feel a thing."

One day a teacher told her student's to make a sentence using the math terms add, subtract, divide, multiply. When time was over she called on a student named Johnny he said this is the process of having sex. He said, first you add the bed, subtract the clothes, a divide the legs and hope you don't multiply.

A woman decided to have her portrait painted. She told the artist, "Paint me with diamond rings, a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets, a ruby broach, and gold Rolex."

"But you are not wearing any of those things," he replied.

"I know," she said. "It's in case I should die before my husband. I'm sure he will remarry right away, and I want his new wife to go crazy looking for the jewelry

When Bill and Hillary first got married Bill said, "I am putting a box under the bed. You must promise never to look in it. "In all their 30 years of marriage, Hillary never looked. On the afternoon of their 30th anniversary, curiosity got the best of her and she lifted the lid and peeked inside. In the box were 3 empty beer cans and $81,874.25 in cash. She closed the box and put it back under the bed. Now that she knew what was in the box, she was doubly curious as to why there even was such a box with such contents. That evening, they were out for a special anniversary dinner. After dinner, Hillary could no longer contain her curiosity and she confessed, saying, "I am so sorry, Bill. For all these years, I kept my promise and never looked into the box under our bed. However,today the temptation was too much and I gave in. But now I need to know, why do you keep the 3 beer cans in the box?"Bill thought for a while and said, "I guess after all these years you deserve to know the truth. Whenever I was unfaithful to you, I put an empty beer can in the box under the bed to remind myself not to do it again."Hillary was shocked, but said, "Hmmm, Jennifer, Paula and Monica. I am very disappointed and saddened by your behavior. However, since you are addicted to sex I guess it does happen and I guess 3 times is not that bad considering your problem."Bill thanked her for being so understanding. They hugged and made their peace. A little while later Hillary asked Bill, "So why do you have all that money in the box?"Bill answered: "Well, whenever the box filled up with empty cans, I took them to the recycling center and redeemed them for cash."