The President of a Latin American country announced today that he is changing the nation’s emblem to a condom as it more clearly reflects the government’s political stance.

A condom stands for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives you a sense of security while it’s actually screwing you.

A man's joke

Sex Jokes :: #1758
By Melissa from Cameroon

Q. What is the speed limit for sex?

A. 68, at 69 you have to turn around!

MAYBE IT WOULD BE BETTER WITH HIM OUT OF THE GENE POOL.


Today's Bad Idea

Summary of Life

GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:

1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats..
2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food..
6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair..
7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts..
10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandma's lap.



GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:

1) Raising teenagers is like nailing jelly to a tree.
2) Wrinkles don't hurt.
3) Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts
4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground...
5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.
6) Old age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy..

THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:

1) You believe in Santa Claus.
2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.
3) You are Santa Claus.
4) You look like Santa Claus.


SUCCESS:

At age 4 success is . . . . Not piddling in your pants.
At age 12 success is . . . Having friends.
At age 17 success is . . Having a driver's license.
At age 35 success is .. . ... ..having money.
At age 50 success is . . . Having money....
At age 70 success is . .. . Having a drivers license.
At age 75 success is . ... . Having friends.
At age 80 success is . . .. Not piddling in your pants.


Always remember to forget the troubles that pass your way;
BUT NEVER forget the blessings that come each day.

Have a wonderful day with many *smiles*


Take the time to live!!!
Life is too short.
Dance naked. Woo-hoo!

The best answer to the question asked in an interview, "Where do you see yourself in 5 years' time?" . . . "In the mirror as always . . "

By Anonymous from USA.

Q. Why do men want to marry virgins?

A. They can't stand criticism.