Tuesday, January 8, 2013
Work Jokes :: #10723
By from USA.
The factory foreman inspected the shipment of crystal vases leaving the plant, and approached his new packer. He put his arm around the man’s shoulder and said,
“Well, Ole, I see you did what I asked. Stamped the top of each box, ‘This Side Up,
Handle With Care.’”
“Yes sir,” the worker replied. “And just to make sure, I stamped it on the bottom too.”
A little girl was reading a book with her grandfather, and every once in while she would touch her grandfather's wrinkly face and then touch her own. One time she ask him,” Grandpa, did God make you?" The old man replied,” Yes, he made me a long time ago.” The little girl questioned him again,” Grandpa, did God make me?" The old man again replied,” Yes, he did, not too long ago." The little girl then said,” God’s getting better at it isn't he?"
Monday, January 7, 2013
Talk about embarrassing
A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him.
She says hello. He's rather taken back because he can't place where he knows her from.
So he says, 'Do you know me?'
To which she replies, 'I think you're the father of one of my kids.'
Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says,
'Are you the stripper from the bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my
buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery?'
She looks into his eyes and says calmly, 'No, I'm your son's teacher.'
A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him.
She says hello. He's rather taken back because he can't place where he knows her from.
So he says, 'Do you know me?'
To which she replies, 'I think you're the father of one of my kids.'
Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says,
'Are you the stripper from the bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my
buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery?'
She looks into his eyes and says calmly, 'No, I'm your son's teacher.'
Sunday, January 6, 2013
Ben Stein
.
Only hope we find GOD again before it is too late ! !
The following was written by Ben Stein and recited by him on CBS Sunday Morning Commentary.
My confession:
I don't like getting pushed around for being a Jew, and I don't think Christians like getting pushed around for being Christians. I think people who believe in God are sick and tired of getting pushed around, period. I have no idea where the concept came from, that America is an explicitly atheist country. I can't find it in the Constitution and I don't like it being shoved down my throat...
Or maybe I can put it another way: where did the idea come from that we should worship celebrities and we aren't allowed to worship God as we understand Him? I guess that's a sign that I'm getting old, too. But there are a lot of us who are wondering where these celebrities came from and where the America we knew went to.
In light of the many jokes we send to one another for a laugh, this is a little different: This is not intended to be a joke; it's not funny, it's intended to get you thinking.
In light of recent events... terrorists attack, school shootings, etc.. I think it started when Madeleine Murray O'Hare (she was murdered, her body found a few years ago) complained she didn't want prayer in our schools, and we said OK. Then someone said you better not read the Bible in school... The Bible says thou shalt not kill; thou shalt not steal, and love your neighbor as yourself. And we said OK.
Then Dr. Benjamin Spock said we shouldn't spank our children when they misbehave, because their little personalities would be warped and we might damage their self-esteem (Dr. Spock's son committed suicide). We said an expert should know what he's talking about.. And we said okay..
Now we're asking ourselves why our children have no conscience, why they don't know right from wrong, and why it doesn't bother them to kill strangers, their classmates, and themselves.
Probably, if we think about it long and hard enough, we can figure it out. I think it has a great deal to do with 'WE REAP WHAT WE SOW.'
Funny how simple it is for people to trash God and then wonder why the world's going to hell. Funny how we believe what the newspapers say, but question what the Bible says. Funny how you can send 'jokes' through e-mail and they spread like wildfire, but when you start sending messages regarding the Lord, people think twice about sharing. Funny how lewd, crude, vulgar and obscene articles pass freely through cyberspace, but public discussion of God is suppressed in the school and workplace.
Are you laughing yet?
Funny how when you forward this message, you will not send it to many on your address list because you're not sure what they believe, or what they will think of you for sending it.
Funny how we can be more worried about what other people think of us than what God thinks of us.
Pass it on if you think it has merit.
If not, then just discard it... no one will know you did. But, if you discard this thought process, don't sit back and complain about what bad shape the world is in.
My Best Regards, Honestly and respectfully,
Ben Stein
Only hope we find GOD again before it is too late ! !
The following was written by Ben Stein and recited by him on CBS Sunday Morning Commentary.
My confession:
I don't like getting pushed around for being a Jew, and I don't think Christians like getting pushed around for being Christians. I think people who believe in God are sick and tired of getting pushed around, period. I have no idea where the concept came from, that America is an explicitly atheist country. I can't find it in the Constitution and I don't like it being shoved down my throat...
Or maybe I can put it another way: where did the idea come from that we should worship celebrities and we aren't allowed to worship God as we understand Him? I guess that's a sign that I'm getting old, too. But there are a lot of us who are wondering where these celebrities came from and where the America we knew went to.
In light of the many jokes we send to one another for a laugh, this is a little different: This is not intended to be a joke; it's not funny, it's intended to get you thinking.
In light of recent events... terrorists attack, school shootings, etc.. I think it started when Madeleine Murray O'Hare (she was murdered, her body found a few years ago) complained she didn't want prayer in our schools, and we said OK. Then someone said you better not read the Bible in school... The Bible says thou shalt not kill; thou shalt not steal, and love your neighbor as yourself. And we said OK.
Then Dr. Benjamin Spock said we shouldn't spank our children when they misbehave, because their little personalities would be warped and we might damage their self-esteem (Dr. Spock's son committed suicide). We said an expert should know what he's talking about.. And we said okay..
Now we're asking ourselves why our children have no conscience, why they don't know right from wrong, and why it doesn't bother them to kill strangers, their classmates, and themselves.
Probably, if we think about it long and hard enough, we can figure it out. I think it has a great deal to do with 'WE REAP WHAT WE SOW.'
Funny how simple it is for people to trash God and then wonder why the world's going to hell. Funny how we believe what the newspapers say, but question what the Bible says. Funny how you can send 'jokes' through e-mail and they spread like wildfire, but when you start sending messages regarding the Lord, people think twice about sharing. Funny how lewd, crude, vulgar and obscene articles pass freely through cyberspace, but public discussion of God is suppressed in the school and workplace.
Are you laughing yet?
Funny how when you forward this message, you will not send it to many on your address list because you're not sure what they believe, or what they will think of you for sending it.
Funny how we can be more worried about what other people think of us than what God thinks of us.
Pass it on if you think it has merit.
If not, then just discard it... no one will know you did. But, if you discard this thought process, don't sit back and complain about what bad shape the world is in.
My Best Regards, Honestly and respectfully,
Ben Stein
Colored Eggs
Entertainment Jokes :: #16671
By Anonymous from USA.
A rooster was strutting around the henhouse one Easter morning and came across a nest of eggs dyed every color of the rainbow. The rooster took one look at the colorful display, ran outside and beat the heck out of the resident peacock.
By Anonymous from USA.
A rooster was strutting around the henhouse one Easter morning and came across a nest of eggs dyed every color of the rainbow. The rooster took one look at the colorful display, ran outside and beat the heck out of the resident peacock.
Saturday, January 5, 2013
Subject: The Girl and the Dentist
A guy and a girl meet at a bar….
They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl's place.
A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands.
He then takes off his trousers and again washes his hands.
The girl has been watching him and says:
"You must be a dentist."
The guy, surprised, says:
"Yes .... How did you figure that out?"
"Easy.." she replies, "you keep washing your hands."
One thing leads to another and they make love.
After it's over the girl says: "You must be a good dentist."
The guy, now with an inflated ego, says:
"Sure - I'm a good dentist. How did you figure that out?"
The girl replies:....
"Didn't feel a thing."
Friday, January 4, 2013
Imported Food. Good Info...
Chinais now buying human waste from Canada and shipping it in the empty containers that they export their products.
Imported Food We Eat and Junk We Buy
Green Giant frozen vegetables are from China, as are most of Europe ’s.
Best: Arctic Gardens are OK.
NEVER buy the grocery store garlic unless it is clearly marked from the USA or Canada . Most everything else is stuff grown in people poop (even worse than the chicken poop below)! China is the largest producer of garlic in the world. The U.S. is next.
Buy only local honey; again, most honey is shipped in huge containers from China and re-packed in the US . You probably won’t find that on the label!!
Cold-FX is grown and packed in China and is full of fecal bacteria. Doesn't work anyway, big scam. If the country of origin is not clearly marked, beware!
If you aren’t sure about produce, ask an employee.
Watch out for packages which state "prepared for", "packed by" or "imported by".
The country of origin should be clearly shown on the item. Buy as much as you can from local farmers markets in season, and keep a wary eye open the rest of the year.
How is it possible to ship food from China cheaper than having it produced in the U.S or Canada ?
For example: The "Our Family" brand of mandarin oranges says right on the can it’s from China . Just look at the label - The MORE we purchase from China , the cheaper it becomes for them to ship it all to the U.S. in huge container ships!
For a few more cents (literally!) you can buy several other brands.
Gold brand or Dole comes from California .
Beware, Costco sells canned peaches and pears in a plastic container that come from China .
All "High Liner" and most other frozen fish products come from China or Indonesia . The package may say "Pacific salmon" on the front, but look for the small print, usually on the back of the package near the bottom. Most of these products come from fish farms in the orient where there are no regulations on what is fed to these fish. (Recently The Montreal Gazette had an article by the Canadian Government on how Chinese feed the fish: They suspend chicken wire crates over the fish ponds, and the fish feed on chicken poop. Then YOU get to eat the fish!) If you search the internet about what the Chinese feed their fish that they import all over the world, you'll be alarmed at the pictures and the articles. (It’s nauseating reading!)
Never buy any type of fish or shellfish that comes from these countries: Vietnam , China , Philippines . Again, you can find a myriad of articles on this on the internet without having to dig very far!
Steinfeld’s Pickles are made in India – just as bad!!!
Another example is in canned mushrooms: No-Name brand comes from Indonesia .
Check those little fruit cups. They used to be made in Canada in the Niagara region until about 2 years ago. They are now packaged in China ! Look at the label!
While the Chinese export inferior and even toxic products, dangerous toys and goods to be sold in North American markets. Yet, 70% of North Americans believe that the trading privileges afforded to the Chinese should be suspended!!
Well, duh... Why do you need the government to suspend trading privileges?
Simply do it yourself!!! Buy only Canadian or U.S. products!!
Read the labels of what you buy! If it says 'Made in China ' or 'PRC' (that now includes Hong Kong ), choose another product, or none at all. You will be amazed at how dependent you are on Chinese products and how YOU are furthering their invasion into our food supply as well as taking jobs away from US citizens by buying their products!
**** If 200 million North Americans refused to buy just $20 each of Chinese goods, that's a billion dollar trade imbalance resolved in our favor...fast!! The downside? Some Canadian/American businesses will feel a temporary pinch from having foreign stockpiles of their inventory. But we, as Americans, HAVE to show them that we do NOT want Chinese products or they will keep buying from China . We are the end user and we must change this because they won’t.
If just one month of trading losses hit the Chinese, it would account for 8% of their North American exports. That's "less" coming in, not "more"! At least it's a start! Even slowing down the amount they get into this country helps.
PLEASE - Send this to everybody you know, and keep sending it so it continues to go around. WE have to make the difference
Chinais now buying human waste from Canada and shipping it in the empty containers that they export their products.
Imported Food We Eat and Junk We Buy
Green Giant frozen vegetables are from China, as are most of Europe ’s.
Best: Arctic Gardens are OK.
NEVER buy the grocery store garlic unless it is clearly marked from the USA or Canada . Most everything else is stuff grown in people poop (even worse than the chicken poop below)! China is the largest producer of garlic in the world. The U.S. is next.
Buy only local honey; again, most honey is shipped in huge containers from China and re-packed in the US . You probably won’t find that on the label!!
Cold-FX is grown and packed in China and is full of fecal bacteria. Doesn't work anyway, big scam. If the country of origin is not clearly marked, beware!
If you aren’t sure about produce, ask an employee.
Watch out for packages which state "prepared for", "packed by" or "imported by".
The country of origin should be clearly shown on the item. Buy as much as you can from local farmers markets in season, and keep a wary eye open the rest of the year.
How is it possible to ship food from China cheaper than having it produced in the U.S or Canada ?
For example: The "Our Family" brand of mandarin oranges says right on the can it’s from China . Just look at the label - The MORE we purchase from China , the cheaper it becomes for them to ship it all to the U.S. in huge container ships!
For a few more cents (literally!) you can buy several other brands.
Gold brand or Dole comes from California .
Beware, Costco sells canned peaches and pears in a plastic container that come from China .
All "High Liner" and most other frozen fish products come from China or Indonesia . The package may say "Pacific salmon" on the front, but look for the small print, usually on the back of the package near the bottom. Most of these products come from fish farms in the orient where there are no regulations on what is fed to these fish. (Recently The Montreal Gazette had an article by the Canadian Government on how Chinese feed the fish: They suspend chicken wire crates over the fish ponds, and the fish feed on chicken poop. Then YOU get to eat the fish!) If you search the internet about what the Chinese feed their fish that they import all over the world, you'll be alarmed at the pictures and the articles. (It’s nauseating reading!)
Never buy any type of fish or shellfish that comes from these countries: Vietnam , China , Philippines . Again, you can find a myriad of articles on this on the internet without having to dig very far!
Steinfeld’s Pickles are made in India – just as bad!!!
Another example is in canned mushrooms: No-Name brand comes from Indonesia .
Check those little fruit cups. They used to be made in Canada in the Niagara region until about 2 years ago. They are now packaged in China ! Look at the label!
While the Chinese export inferior and even toxic products, dangerous toys and goods to be sold in North American markets. Yet, 70% of North Americans believe that the trading privileges afforded to the Chinese should be suspended!!
Well, duh... Why do you need the government to suspend trading privileges?
Simply do it yourself!!! Buy only Canadian or U.S. products!!
Read the labels of what you buy! If it says 'Made in China ' or 'PRC' (that now includes Hong Kong ), choose another product, or none at all. You will be amazed at how dependent you are on Chinese products and how YOU are furthering their invasion into our food supply as well as taking jobs away from US citizens by buying their products!
**** If 200 million North Americans refused to buy just $20 each of Chinese goods, that's a billion dollar trade imbalance resolved in our favor...fast!! The downside? Some Canadian/American businesses will feel a temporary pinch from having foreign stockpiles of their inventory. But we, as Americans, HAVE to show them that we do NOT want Chinese products or they will keep buying from China . We are the end user and we must change this because they won’t.
If just one month of trading losses hit the Chinese, it would account for 8% of their North American exports. That's "less" coming in, not "more"! At least it's a start! Even slowing down the amount they get into this country helps.
PLEASE - Send this to everybody you know, and keep sending it so it continues to go around. WE have to make the difference
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)