Friday, January 4, 2013
Religious Jokes :: #14246
By Anonymous from USA.
An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening of church services when an intruder startled her.
She caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables and yelled, “Stop! Acts 2:38” (Repent and be baptized, in the name of Jesus Christ so that your sins may be forgiven) the burglar stopped in his tracks. The woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done. As the officer cuffed the man, he asked him: “Why did you just stand there? All the lady did was yell a scripture to you”
“Scripture?” replied the intruder. “She said she had an ax and two 38’s!”
Thursday, January 3, 2013
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
ALEXANDRIA, VA -- (Marketwire) -- 01/02/13 -- A new year is upon us and for many that means a renewed commitment to living healthy and a dedication to achieving resolutions. Adopting small lifestyle changes can have a big impact on your health.
"As the new year begins, people often make resolutions related to improving their health and well-being. Resolutions such as losing weight, exercising more or eating better can also help lower the risk of developing type 2 diabetes," said Lurelean B. Gaines, RN, MSN, President, Health Care & Education, American Diabetes Association. "To support people with their health resolutions, the American Diabetes Association has many free programs, tools and resources to help them achieve their goals for diabetes prevention and management -- and keep their New Year's resolution intact throughout the year."
People typically enter January with the best of intentions, but sometimes need help keeping on track with resolutions. Long-term changes are easier to make if you choose one habit that you are ready, willing and able to change. For each change, create a goal that is short, realistic and specific. The American Diabetes Association has the resources to help make a plan for long-term success:
My Health Advisor: Newly re-launched, My Health Advisor helps people learn about the small steps they can take to lower their risk for developing type 2 diabetes, heart disease, stroke, and diabetes complications. Users enter basic health information to find out their risk. They receive a personalized action plan showing how modifications, such as losing 5-10 pounds or quitting smoking, can lower their risk and improve their health.
Living With Type 2 Diabetes Program: It's not easy to be diagnosed with diabetes. But for millions of Americans, learning about their diabetes is the first step toward feeling better and living a longer, healthier life. Living With Type 2 Diabetes is a free, year-long program that provides information and offers opportunities for support for people interested in learning about diabetes and how to live well with their disease. It includes everything from nutrition tips to exercise ideas to learning how diabetes affects your emotions -- all in one place. This program is available in English and Spanish, online or by mail.
MyFoodAdvisor: Recipes for Healthy Living®: Tracking what you eat can help in managing diabetes and in turn, preventing the onset of complications. This online resource provides food information to people with diabetes, heart disease, kidney disease, celiac disease and those looking to lose weight including recipes, cooking tips and a healthy meal plan every month.
The American Diabetes Association is leading the fight to Stop Diabetes® and its deadly consequences and fighting for those affected by diabetes. The Association funds research to prevent, cure and manage diabetes; delivers services to hundreds of communities; provides objective and credible information; and gives voice to those denied their rights because of diabetes. Founded in 1940, our mission is to prevent and cure diabetes and to improve the lives of all people affected by diabetes. For more information please call the American Diabetes Association at 1-800-DIABETES (1-800-342-2383) or visit www.diabetes.org. Information from both these sources is available in English and Spanish.
Add to Digg Bookmark with del.icio.us Add to Newsvine
Contact:
Lauren Gleason
(703) 549-1500 ext. 2622
lgleason@diabetes.org
"As the new year begins, people often make resolutions related to improving their health and well-being. Resolutions such as losing weight, exercising more or eating better can also help lower the risk of developing type 2 diabetes," said Lurelean B. Gaines, RN, MSN, President, Health Care & Education, American Diabetes Association. "To support people with their health resolutions, the American Diabetes Association has many free programs, tools and resources to help them achieve their goals for diabetes prevention and management -- and keep their New Year's resolution intact throughout the year."
People typically enter January with the best of intentions, but sometimes need help keeping on track with resolutions. Long-term changes are easier to make if you choose one habit that you are ready, willing and able to change. For each change, create a goal that is short, realistic and specific. The American Diabetes Association has the resources to help make a plan for long-term success:
My Health Advisor: Newly re-launched, My Health Advisor helps people learn about the small steps they can take to lower their risk for developing type 2 diabetes, heart disease, stroke, and diabetes complications. Users enter basic health information to find out their risk. They receive a personalized action plan showing how modifications, such as losing 5-10 pounds or quitting smoking, can lower their risk and improve their health.
Living With Type 2 Diabetes Program: It's not easy to be diagnosed with diabetes. But for millions of Americans, learning about their diabetes is the first step toward feeling better and living a longer, healthier life. Living With Type 2 Diabetes is a free, year-long program that provides information and offers opportunities for support for people interested in learning about diabetes and how to live well with their disease. It includes everything from nutrition tips to exercise ideas to learning how diabetes affects your emotions -- all in one place. This program is available in English and Spanish, online or by mail.
MyFoodAdvisor: Recipes for Healthy Living®: Tracking what you eat can help in managing diabetes and in turn, preventing the onset of complications. This online resource provides food information to people with diabetes, heart disease, kidney disease, celiac disease and those looking to lose weight including recipes, cooking tips and a healthy meal plan every month.
The American Diabetes Association is leading the fight to Stop Diabetes® and its deadly consequences and fighting for those affected by diabetes. The Association funds research to prevent, cure and manage diabetes; delivers services to hundreds of communities; provides objective and credible information; and gives voice to those denied their rights because of diabetes. Founded in 1940, our mission is to prevent and cure diabetes and to improve the lives of all people affected by diabetes. For more information please call the American Diabetes Association at 1-800-DIABETES (1-800-342-2383) or visit www.diabetes.org. Information from both these sources is available in English and Spanish.
Add to Digg Bookmark with del.icio.us Add to Newsvine
Contact:
Lauren Gleason
(703) 549-1500 ext. 2622
lgleason@diabetes.org
Salespeople Jokes :: #6962
By Jack Anders from Richmond Virginia USA.
A woman was waiting in the checkout line at a shopping center. Her arms were laden with a mop and broom and other cleaning supplies. By her hard glances and deep sighs, it was obvious she was in hurry and not a happy camper about the slowness of the line.
When the cashier called for a price check on a box of soap, the woman remarked indignantly, "Well, I'll be lucky to get out of here and home before Christmas!"
"Don't worry, ma'am," replied the clerk. "With a good tail wind and that brand new broom you have there, you'll be home in no time.
By Jack Anders from Richmond Virginia USA.
A woman was waiting in the checkout line at a shopping center. Her arms were laden with a mop and broom and other cleaning supplies. By her hard glances and deep sighs, it was obvious she was in hurry and not a happy camper about the slowness of the line.
When the cashier called for a price check on a box of soap, the woman remarked indignantly, "Well, I'll be lucky to get out of here and home before Christmas!"
"Don't worry, ma'am," replied the clerk. "With a good tail wind and that brand new broom you have there, you'll be home in no time.
Lawsuits
Top Ten Most Ridiculous Lawsuits of 2012
A lawsuit by a driver who pleaded guilty to driving under the influence of alcohol and drugs and then sued a victim that he killed tops the U.S. Chamber Institute for Legal Reform’s (ILR) survey of the Top Ten Most Ridiculous Lawsuits of 2012, released today.
“Abuse of our legal system is no joke, and these examples range from the outrageous to the absurd,” said ILR President Lisa A. Rickard. “This poll reminds us that as a society, we sue too much. In turn, these abusive lawsuits inflict harm on lives, jobs, and our economic growth.”
ILR announced the Top Ten Most Ridiculous Lawsuits of 2012 from votes cast throughout the year by visitors to FacesOfLawsuitAbuse.org. The lawsuits were selected from those featured in the website’s monthly polls for 2012. The Faces of Lawsuit Abuse campaign is ILR’s public awareness effort created to highlight the impact of abusive lawsuits on small businesses, communities, and individuals.
The Top Ten Most Ridiculous Lawsuits of 2012 are:
Intoxicated Florida driver pleads guilty to manslaughter, then sues victim he killed
Michigan woman files $5 million suit for the leftover gas still in her repossessed car
13-year-old Little Leaguer sued by spectator who got hit with baseball
Maximum security inmate who went to jail with five teeth sues prison for dental problems
Anheuser Busch sued when longneck bottle used as weapon in bar fight
National Football League fan sues Dallas Cowboys over hot bench
California restaurateur sued for disabilities act violations in parking lot he doesn’t own
Colorado man wins $7 million blaming illness on inhaling microwave popcorn fumes
$1.7 billion suit claims City of Santa Monica wireless parking meters causing health problems
Bay Area parents sue school after their son was kicked out of honors class for cheating
A lawsuit by a driver who pleaded guilty to driving under the influence of alcohol and drugs and then sued a victim that he killed tops the U.S. Chamber Institute for Legal Reform’s (ILR) survey of the Top Ten Most Ridiculous Lawsuits of 2012, released today.
“Abuse of our legal system is no joke, and these examples range from the outrageous to the absurd,” said ILR President Lisa A. Rickard. “This poll reminds us that as a society, we sue too much. In turn, these abusive lawsuits inflict harm on lives, jobs, and our economic growth.”
ILR announced the Top Ten Most Ridiculous Lawsuits of 2012 from votes cast throughout the year by visitors to FacesOfLawsuitAbuse.org. The lawsuits were selected from those featured in the website’s monthly polls for 2012. The Faces of Lawsuit Abuse campaign is ILR’s public awareness effort created to highlight the impact of abusive lawsuits on small businesses, communities, and individuals.
The Top Ten Most Ridiculous Lawsuits of 2012 are:
Intoxicated Florida driver pleads guilty to manslaughter, then sues victim he killed
Michigan woman files $5 million suit for the leftover gas still in her repossessed car
13-year-old Little Leaguer sued by spectator who got hit with baseball
Maximum security inmate who went to jail with five teeth sues prison for dental problems
Anheuser Busch sued when longneck bottle used as weapon in bar fight
National Football League fan sues Dallas Cowboys over hot bench
California restaurateur sued for disabilities act violations in parking lot he doesn’t own
Colorado man wins $7 million blaming illness on inhaling microwave popcorn fumes
$1.7 billion suit claims City of Santa Monica wireless parking meters causing health problems
Bay Area parents sue school after their son was kicked out of honors class for cheating
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
Computer Jokes :: #11811
By Fred Pollock from Bellefountaine oh USA.
One day a man and his wife needed to type in a password so that they could login on. So the husband tries to be funny so he types in “penis”. His wife literally falls on the ground laughing when the computer replies “PASSWORD REJECTED NOT LONG ENOUGH
By Fred Pollock from Bellefountaine oh USA.
One day a man and his wife needed to type in a password so that they could login on. So the husband tries to be funny so he types in “penis”. His wife literally falls on the ground laughing when the computer replies “PASSWORD REJECTED NOT LONG ENOUGH
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)