I have seen these at numerous places, so they are evidently reproducing....
I can't imagine they can run very fast with those short legs.




A NEW SUB SPECIES: THE GANGSTAPITTHECUS.

Canadian Tolerance

I am truly perplexed that so many of my friends are against another mosque being built in Prince George.

I think it should be the goal of every Canadian to be tolerant.

Thus the Mosque should be allowed, in an effort to promote tolerance.


That is why I also propose that two nightclubs be opened next door to the mosque, thereby promoting tolerance from within the mosque.

We could call one of the clubs, which would be gay, "The Turban Cowboy ", and the other a topless bar called "You Mecca Me Hot."

Next door should be a butcher shop that specializes in pork, and adjacent to that an open-pit barbeque pork restaurant, called "Iraq o' Ribs."

Across the street there could be a lingerie store called "Victoria Keeps Nothing Secret ", with sexy mannequins in the window modelling the goods.


Next door to the lingerie shop there would be room for an adult sex toy shop, "Koranal Knowledge ", its name in flashing neon lights, and on the other side a liquor store called "Morehammered."


All of this would encourage the Muslims to demonstrate the tolerance they demand of us, so the mosque problem would be solved.

If you agree with promoting tolerance, and you think this is a good plan, please pass it on...

Fashion?

Grandma

Grandma is eighty-eight years old and still drives her own car. She writes:
Dear Grand-daughter,

The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a 'Honk if you love Jesus' bumper sticker ..

I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting.

So, I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper.

Boy, am I glad I did; what an uplifting experience that followed.

I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost inthought about the Lord and how good he is, and I didn't notice that the light had changed.

It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn'thonked, I'd never have noticed.

I found that lots of people love Jesus!

While I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, 'For the love of God!'

'Go! Go! Go! Jesus Christ, GO!'

What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus!

Everyone started honking!

I just leaned out my window and started waving and smiling at all those loving people.

I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love!
;
There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him
yelling something about a sunny beach.

I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air.

I asked my young teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant.

He said it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something..

Well, I have never met anyone from Hawaii , so I leaned out the windowand gave him the good luck sign right back.

My grandson burst out laughing.

Why even he was enjoying this religious experience!!

A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me.

I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed.

So, grinning, I waved at all my brothers and sisters, and drove on through the intersection.

I noticed that I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and felt kind of sad that I had to leave
them after all the love we had shared.

So I slowed the car down, leaned out the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away. Praise the Lord
for such wonderful folks!!

Will write again soon,

Love, Grandma

Speaking Southern

To my Southern friends, you know these meanings...and to my Northern (and Western) friends, just a little education on speaking Southern.


Georgia

The owner of a golf course in Georgia was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.

He called her into his office and said, "Y'all graduated from the University of Georgia and I need some help. If I wuz to give yew $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?"

The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, "Everthang but my earrings."






Louisiana

A senior citizen in Louisiana was overheard saying ... "When the end of the world comes, I hope to be in Looziana .."

When asked why, he replied, "I'd rather be in Looziana 'cause everythang happens in Looziana 20 years later than in the rest of the world."




Mississippi

The young man from Mississippi came running into the store and said to his buddy, "Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!"

Bubba replied, "Did y'all see who it was?"

The young man answered, "I couldn't tell, but don’t worry; I got the license number."




North Carolina

A man in North Carolina had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind it. Then he got back in the car to wait.

A passerby studied the scene as he drove by, and was so curious he turned around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was.

The man replied, "I got a flat tar."

The passerby asked, "But what's with the flowers?"

The man responded, "When you break down they tell you to put flares in the front and flares in the back. I never did understand it neither."




Tennessee

A TennesseeState trooper pulled over a pickup on I-65. The trooper asked, "Got any ID?"

The driver replied, "Bout whut?"




Texas

The Sheriff pulled up next to the guy unloading garbage out of his pick-up into the ditch. The Sheriff asked, "Why are you dumping garbage in the ditch? Don't you see that sign right over your head."

"Yep," he replied. "That's why I'm dumpin' it here, 'cause it says: 'Fine For Dumping Garbage.' "

Mass Exit

Massive exit from Florida July 1, 2012


BUT THEY CAN'T TEST STATE WORKERS!!!!
GREAT GOING FLORIDA!!

ALL States Need This, Especially CALIFORNIA !!!

THIS IS FOR REAL......LAW GOES INTO EFFECT JULY 1st !!!!!
It's about damn time!!!!!

I am expecting that EVERYONE on my address list will forward this and
please send a copy to me, I'm sure you will understand why.

Great going, Florida You set the stage for the other States to join!

Kudos to Republican Governor Rick Scott for having the correctness and
guts to move forward on this critical issue!

I-95 will be jammed for the next month or so........Druggies and
deadbeats heading North out of Florida .
Florida is the first state requiring drug testing to receive welfare!

In signing the new law, Republican Gov. Rick Scott said, "If Floridians
want welfare, they better make sure they are drug-free.
Applicants who test positive for illicit substances won't be eligible
for the funds for a year, or until they undergo treatment.
Those who fail a second time would be banned from receiving funds for
three years!
Naturally, a few people are crying this is unconstitutional.
How is this unconstitutional?
It's completely legal that every other working people have to pass drug
tests in order to get a J-O-B which supports those on welfare!
Forward if you agree!!
Let's get Welfare back to the ones who NEED it, not those who WON'T get
a JOB.....
I AGREE!!!! 100%....







____________

Piss Poor

NOW THIS IS A REAL EDUCATION:

Where did “piss poor” come from ?


Us older people need to learn something new every day...
Just to keep the gray matter tuned up.

Where did "Piss Poor" come from?
Interesting History.

They used to use urine to tan animal skins,
so families used to all pee in a pot.

And then once it was full it was taken
and sold to the tannery...
if you had to do this to survive you were "Piss Poor".
But worse than that were the really poor folk who couldn't even afford to buy a pot...

They "didn't have a pot to piss in" and were the
lowest of the low.

The next time you are washing